Niggas...madd disrespected

Back again world...

So i have something i want to get off my chest...and since no one seems to be available to speak to at this time...here i am

So as of now im feeling some type of way, what way? I dont know. I sorta feel disrespected but im not sure if thats emotion im feeling or not and if there is a validity to feeling disrespected. I cant say for sure that thats what going on....nonetheless im confused and feeling some type of way?

I know that there's nothing wrong with feeling the way i feel....i remember my mom telling awhile ago "that you're entilted to feel the way you feel and dont ever let anyone tell u different" why is that i constantly question things that have clear meanings with no explanation necessary?
I mean i know for a fact that niggas go be niggas which means some things; they gon do what they want, they have the tendency to be foul, and lastly they gon be whores...i truly feel that all niggas are whores!!!!!!!!!!
Me and this nigga been talkin and spending time together...and im just now realizing to take things for what they are. We are friends nothing more, nothing less...we have no title. I was thinking having no title and keeping things simple i have less chance of getting hurt but boy was i wrong. We went to a party, not together, im not even aware he knew i was coming. Either way it goes i felt some type of about how the party went on.....needless to say someone of importance to him was there and it just so happens we spend no time together and lil Krystal gets put on the back burner...smh...like really nigga? u gon play me like that? if that was the case i coulda stayed my ass home. i felt like it was two ways the situation could have gone that i would have been comfortable with.... 1. give me the shit straight i mean imma big girl i can handle it let me know what the situation is... or 2. he coulda had no interaction with me at all
it was more like he was doing his thing with this someone of importance but yet u coming at me like im behaving differently like im playin you off? but why? it was clear i did not matter that night so dont play me like its me who's acting brand new....like kick the fuck bac with that shit... like dont be all up on someone else and expect for me to be on yo dick at the same time, like no sorry hun...not me!
either way it goes im feeling some type of way and i dont like it

Blah. :(

Back again world....

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing is quite wrong but its not exactly right either? Actually i cant even really explain it. Now this is gonna sound crazy but so be it, I think i am actually down, in the dumps, and depressed for absolutely no apparent reason! Crazy right? I just know that im not happy, not sad, but im just like blah. Have that feeling that no one cares? when you know for a fact they're plenty of people who do...i suppose im just yearning for something; what idk but whatever it is, at this point i dont have it. Whats funny to me is that i really dont have anything to complain about, and the fact that ppl try to cheer me and it does nothing actually makes me feel worse. Like i was speaking with a good friend of mine and i explained to him how i felt and he was genuinely like "Aww hun wish i was there to make you feel better" and i say dont sweat it i'll be fine. An hour later after convo about the day and this and that he's like "How are we feelin now" ...the same i respond which makes me feel bad since he cares and wants to help...then before ending our convo....he ends with "Hun plz update me later, if I dont get to you first". Obviously there are people who care, so i ask why does this not make me feel better? and what is it thats actually wrong? how does one feel bad or blah or what have you for no apparent reason?....seriously im baffled as to why i feel so "BLAH"

simply a piece of me.

once again world im back, hey hey hey, and this time with a new post.

This is more so of me attempting to open up. In college you start to learn all types of things about yourself...be it through self exploration, new friends, classes u may take, people you encounter, and lastly the work u do....yes i said the WORK u do (can u actually believe that coming out of a student's mouth?!). I learned some things about myself such as i am a procrastinator and although i am aware that im intelligent i"ll take the easy road if i can. However, through some of the work i was assigned i learned some of my strengths and weaknesses. I always knew that English was a pain in might i say......my anal lol

But through writing these long ass research papers and nonsense essays i know i'd never read or use again i discovered that in long run those different topics and constant papers taught me about myself and that i gave myself far less credit than due for the work i did when i actually tried...im mean re-reading some of the stuff i wrote i found that i wasnt as bad as i was making myself out to be.......anywho i came across something via cleaning that i was assigned to do for one of my classes that im actually proud of so...The assignment was to find a poem u believe personifies u and go in to detail as to why...so here it is

Since birth I would say I was destined to be a fighter, survivor, and strong person. However, at the same time also being an overly extra sensitive female taught me to be that way as well. Born on June 26, 1989 an entire three months earlier than predicted, it was said I wouldn’t survive past the first developing stages. In addition to my mother almost dying during my birth she knew then as well as I know now that I am bound for greatness. Not only is me surviving after being born so early a blessing I also see it as my motivation for many things. I was born healthy although I was premature. Still I Rise, by Maya Angelou is a poem that describes ambition, strength, confidence, intelligence, self esteem, and dedication; all things of which are of huge importance to me and characteristics that I embody.
Some of these characteristics I believe I naturally possess while others such as self esteem and confidence I had to learn. Still I Rise personifies me because it speaks to who I was, who I am now, and who I want to be. At a very young age and even now I have been told that I am ambitious and the phrase “try, try, and try again” is often one that I associate myself with and it constantly remains in the forefront of my mind. “You may trod me in the very dirt but still, like dust, I'll rise.” I may not always have the skills, looks, or whatever have you necessary for some of the things I desire but one thing I always do is try. When I was about 6 or 7 years old I had become very interested in play basketball but was very small and not very talented at the time. I wanted to try out for a local recreational team but became discouraged because I thought I wasn’t a “natural talent” and big like some of the other girls. I tried out and made the team and I learned then that you will never know something unless you try; so since then if there is something I want I will most certainly go after it.
I wasn’t one of the most attractive girls growing up so I have had struggles with confidence and self esteem. However nowadays you can’t tell me that I’m not “All that and a bag of chips!” When you are a child you often see things as black or white, right or wrong, ugly or pretty, but I have come to realize as well as many others that the world is not black or white, many things you will encounter are somewhat of a gray area. My lack of self esteem and confidence rooted from what I think to be a lot of misunderstandings of situations some materialistic ideologies. My self esteem and confidence grew when I got more involved in activities around me and putting myself in uncomfortable situations and I noticed that everyone is person will be different and think different; so I learned what I thought and believed was the only thing of importance. “You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise.”
On the reverse side of things strength, intelligence, and dedication are those characteristics I feel I naturally possess. Strength, I feel I always had I was just insecure so it wouldn’t seem that way. Although I am a sensitive person there were certain things now and then that just don’t faze me. Seeing more death than I prefer to has also made me a strong person. My family is extremely tight-knit and large so I have always had close relationships with cousins, aunts, and uncles all of which whom are much older than me. But I say I have experienced more death than need be because it seems like every couple of years someone in my family passes away. In addition to having to cope with the loss of loved ones more than usual and being teased and having so many insecurities made me strong. Intelligence has always been one of my strong points; I love to learn and read. From preschool days to the present mathematics and reading have been some of my interests. I believe that a lot of things I have learned about myself made me who I am today and continually learning about myself will shape the person I will be in the future.
Still I rise personifies me because it describes who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I like that Maya Angelou describes a strong sense of confidence and sense of self in the poem. I say that it describes who I am, was, and want to be because in the poem I had some characteristic that I discussed at one point in time and some that I am still trying to gather. It describes a passion for determination in getting what you want no matter what, as well as not letting anyone drag you down. Maya Angelou is an exceptional writer and poet and I enjoy reading most of her works because I feel that I can relate to the things she speaks about and the feelings she expresses with her words.

By: Maya Angelou- Still I Rise
You may write me down in historywith your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?Why are you beset with gloom?'
Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,with the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes?Shoulders falling down like teardrops.Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?Don't you take it awful hard' Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,You may cut me with your eyes,You may kill me with your hatefulness,But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs?Out of the huts of history's shame I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise I rise I rise

HeLLo WoRld!

Soooo.... first off i want to say Hello World!
I am new to this whole blogging thingy majigg, the concept is not new considering its been around and popular for awhile now, but this is something new i decided to do. I can say that the inspiration came from some of my peers one who does a video blog and the other a fellow blogger jaynicole(big ups to her)....her blog is real so i follow it. I figured that why not let my thoughts and feelings out like a online journal, hey i write all the time, it purges me so why not give this blogging thing a whirl!
yea so...at this time nothing really good or important crosses my mind at this point so i just wanna say im new to this, hopefully i'll get the hang of it, and lastly HELLO WORLD!

=) jus kryssy