done...

done....

im done reminiscing, done letting the little things remind me of you, done hoping the text is from you, done taking those frequent walks down memory lane. Its time its actually past time. I need to let this go, i am completely sick of this constantly being on my mind and in my thoughts its not even worth it. The picture is very vivid and clear and it's time i accept that and take things for what they are. We had a connection, got to know each other, and enjoyed one's company. However we are not together.....technically never were......and definitely will not be. I have cried my tears and as the saying goes im going to cry my river build a bridge and GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!
All i can say now is that i have learned something from this and i will use this experience in my near future. This situation can surely be categorized under that rule that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
but.... (and this comment might show my vainness) for his sake i hope she do it like i do it cuz there certainly are no second chances...... I'M DONE !

nice guys finish last

hello world, back again!

you know i have always heard the saying nice guys finish last. and for me personally i never thought it was quite true because i've always wanted the nice guy. However, i have noticed that the nive guys do tend to get overlooked first. But just like the nice guys finish last so do the nice girls. you would think nice girls don't but suprisingly they do. And what is funny is after these niggas have slept with more than enough women to count they go looking for the nice girls. but the first pick is not the nice ones no they want the slutty freaky maybe no standard women first.

a shame right???

hmm...something to know

hello world back again!

so i was on this popular blog site that i sometimes frequent and i came across this post written by a guy on relationships. This was interesting to me because i hardly ever hear a guy talking about relationships unless it has some sort of focus on sex. Suprisingly enough, well at least to me, it had some validity to it. Most of it i had already know before and there was some things i agteed with and some things i didn't. So i more so did this so that if i wanted to show or tell someone or recall some of the points he made as male i wouldn't have to go find but just go to one of my post. Here it is courtesy of necolebitchie. com.........

Necole Bitchie.com: Livin’ the Bitchie Life….: "“The real problem with women in relationships is that they are doing marital acts with their man and they are not married. Examples of Marital Acts:
*Keys to the apartment
*Laying up under each other for hours at a time
*Putting things in each other’s name and you are not married (Cars, Cell phones, etc)
*Sex without a condom
*You call him your hubby or wife. (Bad words for a relationship is MY Wifey, MY Boo, MY anything. If you are not married to it, it’s not yours…)
*You are playing house. (i.e. Cleaning up their house, cooking etc...)
*Moving in or shacking up. (Why would you move in with someone without getting married? Don’t assume that just because you will move in with this dude, he’ll eventually marry you. )
*When you do these type of marital acts, you are giving a person the opportunity to use you up. They are getting the most out of you already so “why would they marry you?”."

Like i said i agree with most of it but what if you have no aspirations or desire to get married then does this still apply? And the point about saying my boo or wifey or my anything is not true if your not married because its not yours, which is true for the wifey term. But just you are not married doesnt mean that you and someone are not committed and therefore my boo or my man/woman is acceptable because before you even get to the point of marriage there should be some commitment before that if you are in a relationship.

and nothing even matters at all...

love is important to most, everything to some, and feared to few.

but sometimes love is as great as everyone says it is and sometimes it can be the worst feeling in the world. just like the movie there is a thin line between love and hate. you can love someone and everything they have to offer one moment and hate the very things that make them who they are the next, love is confusing, hella emotional, scary....blah blah blah....i could go on and on. now on the other hand people say that with all the problems that come along with love it is still better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. but i ask myself is this true? you know, is ignorance really bliss??? ......i think it actually might be, not quite sure.

but what i wanna know is what is the phase before love? it it genuine like? like when you are really getting to know someone, truly like the person they are, enjoy spending time with them, thinking of them constantly? we all know that before you even get to love there must be chemistry or else it wouldn't even progress forward. but what about infatuation, when you're completely consumed...not obsessed but consumed? they are sexy, sweet, thoughtful, and everything else you think they are....you see what you want. but what happens when infatuation wears off?

what really sucks is when someone can't see or simply doesn't care that you genuinely like them. like the person they are. what they do. so on and so forth. and what's really sad is one day that person will wish they cared...and you'll be long gone

"and nothing even matters at all"

...only you know

hello world back again!!!

this one is gonna be short. Things can be so complicated but yet so simple. Sometimes all it takes is simple silence. I know for me I always call or talk to other people getting their opinions and thoughts when in all actuality i knew all along. I came to the conclusion that i only see things once i'm ready to open my eyes, when its has been there all along.

Its simple really, I always wanna consult others about this that and the third. Truthfully, i feel like i need to do things when i actually dont't. When it comes down to it.....ultimately only you know....

and it has taken me time to realize that these things consistently happen because i allow them to, because of my own issues and insecurities. I could blame this person or the next but when I sit in silence i know that it comes down to me and only I know what i want and what i will or will not tolerate. and if i dont know that i can't expect others to know, or expect to know what i want from them, or expect to be treated accordingly. Its all a matter of self exploration.

...COMMENCEMENT...

hello world...back again!

So yesterday was the little brother's graduation from high school. He is actually the last of my parents children to graduate, after the summer when he leaves to go off to college all of their children will have left the nest. The feeling I had watching him march down the aisle and across the stage was like something I haven't felt in a long time, its something similiar to i guess watching a kid take their first steps or my neice learning to read and write....i was just so proud and overjoyed. I am so very proud of my little brother he is an exceptional young man, very well spoken and intelligent, friendly, kind and just an all around great person. I know that he is destined to do wonderful things and will do very well in college. I am just as excited for him to go to college as was for myself maybe even more because i have already had that experience and look forward to seeing him go through it. Also, his commencement made me reminisce on my on graduation just a shy two years ago. It makes me realize how proud I was of myself then and how blessed I was to have the opportunties i've had. It also makes me realize that just how much things have changed in these past two years, they have also stayed the same. Lastly, it made me take a look at my parents and how they have been there for all four of us and done such a great job as parents. I feel the values and morals my sisters, my brother, and myself have gave us the tools to make mistakes but also to make great choices for ourselves that will lead to great opportunites and will ultimately make us the kind of people both we and are parents want us to be. If as a parent I can do half the job my parents have done....my children will too be great and i truly commend them.

THANK U MOMMY AND DADDY AND OF COURSE THE LORD!

consuming my thoughts...

hello world, back again!

Enters my mind no matter what i'm doing, may it be trying to sleep, watching tv, eating or whatever have you...like clockwork enters my thoughts. I tell myself not to but yet i still do. It can be good at times and torture at others. It can put a smile on my face or even wipe that same smile away. From the simple things and time we share, to how he pretends not to notice when i stare. Those big, strong arms that i so adore, marked with his own identity as well as someone else's, that i can't help but melt in when they're wrapped around me touching my core. Soft lips and an even softer smile to match. I simply enjoy just to be close to him, the height that towers over me just drives me crazy. The chocolate skin that covers his body glistens as he dances and has fun with his easy going carefree personality. I love to sit back and watch him enjoying himself and having fun somehow it gives me some sort of happiness. The torture comes when i remember the way things were when we first met, how much we talked and how we had so much to talk about. We use to talk everyday allday even if it was via text message. We still talk everyday but its less and the convos are fewer. I feel like we're falling off slowly fading into something less, like maybe he's losing interest. Not to sound all thirsty but i yearn to speak and spend time with him and when it comes down to it....i just really like him point blank period. Although the feeling may be mutual something has definitely changed and this day to day is becoming torture. Maybe i need to let go & move

....whatever the case he is comsuming my thoughts.....

.....

WhY...

HeLLo WoRld, back again...

WARNING: THERE IS A CHANCE I MIGHT GO OFF ON A TANGENT!

Why is that one person can have the ability to affect your emotions rather they be good or bad? Why do i continually let one person and one experience determine and mess it up for all the rest? Why can"t i simply forgive.forget.and move on? I realize that for some, and old love never dies; and for men who have been hurt that old love is always there...but why string others along when it's clear your feelings reside with someone else? Why can something be so "krystal" clear one moment and the next your thoughts are every which way? Why when you know something is not right for you and you can see yourself getting hurt, you can't help it and indulge anyway? Why can't you tell yourself to feel one way and actually do it? Why is that one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch? Why are women more emotional than men (although there are plenty women who behave, think, and feel like men)? Do men really want a nice girl and know when they have one? Why do people realize when it is too late? Why is it wrong to treat ever guy the same way, if it has been proven to you over and over again that you have no reason not to? Why are there so few people that keep it 100% all the time? Why is not okay not to trust people? Why is that, when in a relationship or getting to know someone you're happy and blissful in the beginning and upset and hurt down the line?

I don"t have the answer to alot of these questions

but in the end I still wonder WHY.......

Niggas...madd disrespected

Back again world...

So i have something i want to get off my chest...and since no one seems to be available to speak to at this time...here i am

So as of now im feeling some type of way, what way? I dont know. I sorta feel disrespected but im not sure if thats emotion im feeling or not and if there is a validity to feeling disrespected. I cant say for sure that thats what going on....nonetheless im confused and feeling some type of way?

I know that there's nothing wrong with feeling the way i feel....i remember my mom telling awhile ago "that you're entilted to feel the way you feel and dont ever let anyone tell u different" why is that i constantly question things that have clear meanings with no explanation necessary?
I mean i know for a fact that niggas go be niggas which means some things; they gon do what they want, they have the tendency to be foul, and lastly they gon be whores...i truly feel that all niggas are whores!!!!!!!!!!
Me and this nigga been talkin and spending time together...and im just now realizing to take things for what they are. We are friends nothing more, nothing less...we have no title. I was thinking having no title and keeping things simple i have less chance of getting hurt but boy was i wrong. We went to a party, not together, im not even aware he knew i was coming. Either way it goes i felt some type of about how the party went on.....needless to say someone of importance to him was there and it just so happens we spend no time together and lil Krystal gets put on the back burner...smh...like really nigga? u gon play me like that? if that was the case i coulda stayed my ass home. i felt like it was two ways the situation could have gone that i would have been comfortable with.... 1. give me the shit straight i mean imma big girl i can handle it let me know what the situation is... or 2. he coulda had no interaction with me at all
it was more like he was doing his thing with this someone of importance but yet u coming at me like im behaving differently like im playin you off? but why? it was clear i did not matter that night so dont play me like its me who's acting brand new....like kick the fuck bac with that shit... like dont be all up on someone else and expect for me to be on yo dick at the same time, like no sorry hun...not me!
either way it goes im feeling some type of way and i dont like it

Blah. :(

Back again world....

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing is quite wrong but its not exactly right either? Actually i cant even really explain it. Now this is gonna sound crazy but so be it, I think i am actually down, in the dumps, and depressed for absolutely no apparent reason! Crazy right? I just know that im not happy, not sad, but im just like blah. Have that feeling that no one cares? when you know for a fact they're plenty of people who do...i suppose im just yearning for something; what idk but whatever it is, at this point i dont have it. Whats funny to me is that i really dont have anything to complain about, and the fact that ppl try to cheer me and it does nothing actually makes me feel worse. Like i was speaking with a good friend of mine and i explained to him how i felt and he was genuinely like "Aww hun wish i was there to make you feel better" and i say dont sweat it i'll be fine. An hour later after convo about the day and this and that he's like "How are we feelin now" ...the same i respond which makes me feel bad since he cares and wants to help...then before ending our convo....he ends with "Hun plz update me later, if I dont get to you first". Obviously there are people who care, so i ask why does this not make me feel better? and what is it thats actually wrong? how does one feel bad or blah or what have you for no apparent reason?....seriously im baffled as to why i feel so "BLAH"

simply a piece of me.

once again world im back, hey hey hey, and this time with a new post.

This is more so of me attempting to open up. In college you start to learn all types of things about yourself...be it through self exploration, new friends, classes u may take, people you encounter, and lastly the work u do....yes i said the WORK u do (can u actually believe that coming out of a student's mouth?!). I learned some things about myself such as i am a procrastinator and although i am aware that im intelligent i"ll take the easy road if i can. However, through some of the work i was assigned i learned some of my strengths and weaknesses. I always knew that English was a pain in might i say......my anal lol

But through writing these long ass research papers and nonsense essays i know i'd never read or use again i discovered that in long run those different topics and constant papers taught me about myself and that i gave myself far less credit than due for the work i did when i actually tried...im mean re-reading some of the stuff i wrote i found that i wasnt as bad as i was making myself out to be.......anywho i came across something via cleaning that i was assigned to do for one of my classes that im actually proud of so...The assignment was to find a poem u believe personifies u and go in to detail as to why...so here it is

Since birth I would say I was destined to be a fighter, survivor, and strong person. However, at the same time also being an overly extra sensitive female taught me to be that way as well. Born on June 26, 1989 an entire three months earlier than predicted, it was said I wouldn’t survive past the first developing stages. In addition to my mother almost dying during my birth she knew then as well as I know now that I am bound for greatness. Not only is me surviving after being born so early a blessing I also see it as my motivation for many things. I was born healthy although I was premature. Still I Rise, by Maya Angelou is a poem that describes ambition, strength, confidence, intelligence, self esteem, and dedication; all things of which are of huge importance to me and characteristics that I embody.
Some of these characteristics I believe I naturally possess while others such as self esteem and confidence I had to learn. Still I Rise personifies me because it speaks to who I was, who I am now, and who I want to be. At a very young age and even now I have been told that I am ambitious and the phrase “try, try, and try again” is often one that I associate myself with and it constantly remains in the forefront of my mind. “You may trod me in the very dirt but still, like dust, I'll rise.” I may not always have the skills, looks, or whatever have you necessary for some of the things I desire but one thing I always do is try. When I was about 6 or 7 years old I had become very interested in play basketball but was very small and not very talented at the time. I wanted to try out for a local recreational team but became discouraged because I thought I wasn’t a “natural talent” and big like some of the other girls. I tried out and made the team and I learned then that you will never know something unless you try; so since then if there is something I want I will most certainly go after it.
I wasn’t one of the most attractive girls growing up so I have had struggles with confidence and self esteem. However nowadays you can’t tell me that I’m not “All that and a bag of chips!” When you are a child you often see things as black or white, right or wrong, ugly or pretty, but I have come to realize as well as many others that the world is not black or white, many things you will encounter are somewhat of a gray area. My lack of self esteem and confidence rooted from what I think to be a lot of misunderstandings of situations some materialistic ideologies. My self esteem and confidence grew when I got more involved in activities around me and putting myself in uncomfortable situations and I noticed that everyone is person will be different and think different; so I learned what I thought and believed was the only thing of importance. “You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise.”
On the reverse side of things strength, intelligence, and dedication are those characteristics I feel I naturally possess. Strength, I feel I always had I was just insecure so it wouldn’t seem that way. Although I am a sensitive person there were certain things now and then that just don’t faze me. Seeing more death than I prefer to has also made me a strong person. My family is extremely tight-knit and large so I have always had close relationships with cousins, aunts, and uncles all of which whom are much older than me. But I say I have experienced more death than need be because it seems like every couple of years someone in my family passes away. In addition to having to cope with the loss of loved ones more than usual and being teased and having so many insecurities made me strong. Intelligence has always been one of my strong points; I love to learn and read. From preschool days to the present mathematics and reading have been some of my interests. I believe that a lot of things I have learned about myself made me who I am today and continually learning about myself will shape the person I will be in the future.
Still I rise personifies me because it describes who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I like that Maya Angelou describes a strong sense of confidence and sense of self in the poem. I say that it describes who I am, was, and want to be because in the poem I had some characteristic that I discussed at one point in time and some that I am still trying to gather. It describes a passion for determination in getting what you want no matter what, as well as not letting anyone drag you down. Maya Angelou is an exceptional writer and poet and I enjoy reading most of her works because I feel that I can relate to the things she speaks about and the feelings she expresses with her words.

By: Maya Angelou- Still I Rise
You may write me down in historywith your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?Why are you beset with gloom?'
Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,with the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes?Shoulders falling down like teardrops.Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?Don't you take it awful hard' Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,You may cut me with your eyes,You may kill me with your hatefulness,But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs?Out of the huts of history's shame I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise I rise I rise

HeLLo WoRld!

Soooo.... first off i want to say Hello World!
I am new to this whole blogging thingy majigg, the concept is not new considering its been around and popular for awhile now, but this is something new i decided to do. I can say that the inspiration came from some of my peers one who does a video blog and the other a fellow blogger jaynicole(big ups to her)....her blog is real so i follow it. I figured that why not let my thoughts and feelings out like a online journal, hey i write all the time, it purges me so why not give this blogging thing a whirl!
yea so...at this time nothing really good or important crosses my mind at this point so i just wanna say im new to this, hopefully i'll get the hang of it, and lastly HELLO WORLD!

=) jus kryssy